


You Can't Be Serious

by vix_spes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-06
Updated: 2010-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4427393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Umino Iruka had a one-night stand with his ward’s jounin-sensei Hatake Kakashi. One month later he starts feeling ill for no apparent reason. Does his family have a bloodline limit he was previously unaware of?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Be Serious

Iruka moaned wretchedly as he found himself racing for the bathroom in order to throw up. This was the seventh morning in a row that this had happened and he was heartily sick of it. It was a Sunday morning for Kami’s sake. The only day he could have a lie-in because he wasn’t working at the Academy or the Mission Room. He hoped that Naruto hadn’t heard him but knew that it was unlikely; the boy had the ears of a bat. Lo and behold, as if he had known that Iruka was thinking about him, the genin appeared in the doorway.

“Iruka? Are you okay?”

Iruka smiled weakly. “I’m fine Naruto. I just felt a bit sick that’s all. It will disappear soon.”

The blond didn’t look convinced. “Really? Iruka, you’ve thrown up every morning this week. You can’t have food poisoning ‘cause I’d be throwing up as well. I’m going to get Tsunade.”

Before Iruka could protest that it wasn’t necessary the Kyuubi-vessel had disappeared. With the possibility of the Hokage appearing in his apartment, Iruka forced himself up off the floor and into his bedroom so that he could dress in something other than boxers. He had just made it into the kitchen to brew some tea when the front door slammed open announcing Naruto’s return.

“Iruka? I’m back with Tsunade. Where are you?”

“I’m in the kitchen. Would you like some tea Hokage-sama? I’m very sorry about this but Naruto had disappeared before I could tell him not to bother you.”

“Don’t worry Iruka. You’re too damn important to get ill. If you don’t, my paperwork won’t get done and Shizune will kill me. Don’t worry about the tea, let’s just get you checked out. Your bedroom’s probably best. Stay here brat until I tell you to come through.”

Naruto opened his mouth to object but a sharp glare from Iruka silenced him immediately and Tsunade inwardly marvelled at the control the chuunin had over the most notorious genin in Konoha. Then again, if his previous classes were anything to go by as well as the rather thick file dedicated to the chuunin himself then she shouldn’t be surprised at his abilities. She tugged the chuunin towards his bedroom to get started. The sooner she got this examination over with then the sooner she could have the first sake of the day.

~*~

Naruto paced up and down the living room of the little apartment that was the only home that he had ever known. There couldn’t be anything wrong with Iruka, there just couldn’t. The academy sensei was a surrogate brother/father as well as being a complete mother-hen but that was just Iruka. That was how he was. Not that anybody else knew. They kept the relationship between the two of them secret from as many people as possible. The only ones who knew were Tsunade, Shizune and Iruka’s two closest friends (and the Hokage’s assistants) Izumo and Kotetsu. Not even Hatake Kakashi, Naruto’s jounin-sensei, knew that Naruto didn’t really live in the run-down apartment that they kept for appearances sake only.

“WHAT?! You have to be joking?”

At the sound of Iruka’s horrified and raised voice, Naruto abandoned his pacing and flung himself towards the closed bedroom door, banging on it and calling out loudly and persistently. He was just about to take a run at the door in an attempt to force it open with his shoulder when it swung open and he was motioned inside by a serious looking Hokage. His eyes widened in worry and hurried inside, his worry increasing as he saw Iruka sat on the bed looking rather shaky and so pale that his scar stood out even more than usual.

“Iruka? What’s going on? Baa-chan? What’s wrong with Iruka?”

Iruka smiled at the protectiveness that Naruto was displaying towards him and tugged the blond down for a tight hug.

“Naruto, there’s nothing wrong with me. Well, not really fine but everything will be okay.” He looked up at the Hokage for confirmation and spoke again once she had nodded her agreement. “Naruto, I’m not ill, I’m pregnant.”

Naruto’s head snapped up as his jaw dropped. “You’re pregnant? How? You haven’t had a boyfriend since that bastard Mizuki so who’s the father?” Naruto looked hurt as he asked his final question. “Why haven’t you told me that you’ve got a boyfriend?”

Iruka smiled sadly and pulled Naruto into yet another tight hug. “I haven’t told you because there isn’t a boyfriend and you’re right; there hasn’t been anybody since Mizuki. You’re the most important person in my life Naruto.”

Naruto smiled at the words and snuggled closer, feeling comforted by the familiar scent of the man who’d been his caretaker since he was a small child. “Well, if you haven’t had a boyfriend then how are you pregnant?” He looked up, having asked his question, just in time to see Iruka turn several shades of red.

“Iruka?”

“I, erm, I had a one night stand Naruto. It was someone that I’ve been in interested in for a long time. I knew that one night was all I was going to get and I was happy with that; I was amazed that he was interested in me in the first place. I just never realised that I could get pregnant.”

Tsunade spoke up for the first time since Naruto had entered the room. “You could always have an abortion Iruka. No-one is going to force you to have this baby.”

Iruka snorted. “I don’t mean to be rude Tsunade-sama but as soon as the Council discovers who fathered this child there will be no way that I will be allowed to abort it.”

“Give me a name Iruka.”

Iruka took a deep breath and met the woman’s eyes as he breathed the name. “Hatake Kakashi.”

“I’m going to kill the bastard.”

~*~

**Three months...**

Naruto frowned as he woke up to the sounds of Iruka retching again. The chuunin was three months pregnant by now and was still plagued with morning sickness. Well, morning, noon and night sickness in Iruka’s case. He could barely keep anything down and Naruto as well as the Hokage was getting more than a little bit worried. After the discovery that Iruka was pregnant, both Tsunade and Shizune had done extensive research in the records office at the heart of the Hokage’s Tower. They had finally uncovered sealed records relating to Iruka bloodline limit, a limit that he had never known existed. The Umino’s had been a Waterlands family, shinobi for Mist before a massacre had led them to flee Mist and defect to Konoha. As a result of this massacre, and Tsunade still hadn’t quite figured out how, the males of the Umino family had developed the ability to get pregnant. What they couldn’t figure out was why Iruka hadn’t become pregnant when he was dating his former boyfriend, Mizuki. Why Kakashi?

Hearing the sounds of the toilet flushing followed by footsteps and bedclothes rustling signalling Iruka crawling back into bed, Naruto scrambled out of bed and dressed hurriedly. Today was Saturday and Iruka’s day off from the mission room. He knew that Iruka had written a shopping list last night and he was determined to get it done before Iruka woke up again. Maybe he could find some treats to cheer Iruka up? Izumo and Kotetsu were coming over for dinner which was good – they would cheer him up – but there was a lot of time between now and then. Maybe he could find some films or some books? Essentially, anything that wasn’t marking or paperwork was good. Checking that he had a key he quietly let himself out of the front door, locked it up and set the traps with a small pulse of chakra. If he knew Iruka, he had about an hour and a half to get everything done and be back before Iruka woke up.

~*~

To his delight, Naruto was back and had made breakfast by the time that Iruka woke up. Ok, well he hadn’t really made breakfast as such. He was still Konoha’s worst cook but he was still more than capable of making a fruit salad and toast. Iruka couldn’t stomach much more than that at the moment anyway. The early morning and the busy market were all made worth it when he saw the look on Iruka’s face as the chuunin walked into the kitchen.

“Naruto, have you done all the shopping?” Iruka’s eyes filled with tears. “Damn hormones. Come here Naruto.” He pulled the genin into a tight hug. “You didn’t have to do that but I really appreciate it. Have you eaten yet? Come on, sit down and have breakfast.”

Naruto sat down and helped himself to breakfast, chatting happily about his latest training mishaps with Jiraiya and the odd missions he’d taken. He was very careful not to mention Kakashi. The additional hormones had made Iruka even more temperamental. Naruto lit up when Iruka offered to help him train but before they that he had something that he wanted to do.

“Iruka? I know you haven’t bought anything for the baby yet and I know you’ve had enough of the whole dolphin thing but I saw this today and thought it was perfect. I couldn’t resist so I hope you don’t mind that I bought it.”

Naruto bit his lip nervously as he pushed a bag across the table, holding his breath as Iruka opened it to reveal a small, very fluffy chocolate brown teddy bear with bright green eyes and a little embroidered nose. Naruto smiled sheepishly and swiftly started talking as Iruka’s eyes filled up with tears.

“I thought it would be nice for the baby. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl. What do you think?”

Iruka’s smile was blinding. “I think you’re going to be a wonderful big brother.”

~*~

**Seven months...**

Naruto laughed as Ayame teased him about the splatters of paint that decorated his face, hair and clothes. He was oblivious to the group in the corner of Ichiraku’s that consisted of Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura as well as Gai and his team. Team Seven barely saw Naruto these days unless he was required to complete a mission. They all knew where he had been spending his time as Kakashi had been given a semi-public and completely humiliating dressing down from the Hokage. That wasn’t to say everybody knew; it was only a select few that knew the details, as far as the villagers and everybody else was concerned Iruka was pregnant and the father was refusing to have anything to do with him. Kakashi tuned back into the conversation at the counter, curious as to what Naruto had been doing for the last couple of days.

“How’s Iruka-san doing?” Ayame blushed slightly as she spoke; she’d always had a bit of a crush on the academy sensei and his pregnancy hadn’t changed anything.

Naruto smiled. “He’s good. He’s stopped throwing up which is great cos he was getting waaaaay too skinny. His bump’s huge now, well it would be seeing as he’s seven months, but he’s insisting that he doesn’t want to know if it’s a boy or a girl. Kurenai-sensei said that he was glowing the other day.” Naruto frowned, as he looked up at Ayame in confusion. “Is that a good thing?”

Teuchi laughed as he came out of the kitchen area carrying four bags of take-out. “That’s a very good thing Naruto-kun. Now, all of this food isn’t for the two of you is it?”

“No. Izumo and Kotetsu have been helping me paint the room we’re going to use as a nursery for the day so none of us can be bothered to cook. Iruka hasn’t really had any weird cravings – he’s just had cravings for his favourite foods so lots of ramen and chocolate.”

As he eavesdropped, Kakashi felt rather shame-faced at the thought that he’d impregnated Iruka yet he didn’t know even the basics about him such as his favourite food. By the time he looked up again (to the scowling faces of his team), Naruto had paid for the food and disappeared. Kakashi was amazed when it was Sasuke who spoke up.

“You’ve really done it this time Kakashi-sensei. We may not show it but Iruka-sensei is special to all of us. You need to fix this.”

Kakashi and Gai watched in slight amusement and no little disbelief as their teams stood up and walked out of Ichiraku’s.

~*~

On the other side of Konoha, the chuunin in question was completely oblivious as he devoured the ramen that Naruto had picked up. Naruto was sprawled on his stomach flicking through the book of baby names that Kurenai had lent Iruka, tossing out names that he thought could be possibilities. Izumo and Kotetsu were gossiping in the corner and Iruka realised with a sickening feeling that they were probably planning a baby shower. Rubbing his stomach as the baby kicked, he smiled at the look of disgust on his surrogate son/little brother’s face at some of the names in the book. As happy as he was, he couldn’t help but wish that Kakashi was around.

~*~

**Nine months...**

Naruto had just entered the gates of Konoha when he saw Kotetsu running towards him at full-speed. There could only be one reason for his speed; there was something wrong with Iruka.

“Kotetsu? What’s wrong with Iruka? Is anything wrong with the baby?”

“Iruka’s in labour. Come quickly; he refused to let Tsunade-sama start the surgery until you arrived. She needs to start it now. Pinky, you’d better come as well; the Hokage might need your help in the operating theatre.”

“What about me?”

Naruto had already started running when Kakashi spoke up. He turned around, a look of disgust on his face.

“What about you? You have no right to be there; all you did was impregnate him. Sakura, come on. We need to get there _now._ Kotetsu, can you explain it to that idiot for me?”

Naruto didn’t bother to wait to see the wicked grin spread across Kotetsu’s face. He had already raced off, dragging Sakura behind him, not caring what they looked like as they tore through the streets of Konoha in order to get to the hospital. They arrived just as Tsunade was going to give Iruka his anaesthetic. She looked up and smiled grimly.

“You’re just in time Naruto, you’ve got five minutes. Sakura, come with me to get cleaned up and I’ll tell you everything that you need to know.”

As the two women moved off to the side to afford some privacy, Naruto walked up to the one man who had made an effort with him despite him being the Kyuubi.

“Iruka-nii? Why did you wait so long? You should have let Tsunade-baa-chan start the surgery hours ago. Are you ok?”

“I’m fine Naruto. A fair bit of discomfort but I will be fine; Tsunade-sama knows what she’s doing. The question is, are you ready to be a big brother Naruto?”

“Are you ready to become a father Iruka-nii?”

Naruto’s foxy grin made Iruka chuckle despite the pain that rippled across his distended belly.

“I am Naruto. Now, while I’m in surgery I need you to go home and get the bag that we packed. You know where it is and it won’t take long. You will be back by the time that it is all over. I promise.”

~*~

Iruka was right. Naruto had been to the apartment, collected Iruka’s things and been back in time to pace the waiting room floor so many times that he had lost count. He had been joined by Izumo and Kotetsu and unfortunately, also by Kakashi and Sasuke. Just as he was about to lose his last scraps of patience, the Hokage exited the theatre, a small white-wrapped bundle in her arms.

“Iruka is fine. He’ll be exhausted when he comes round from the anaesthetic but everything went well. Now, we’ve got a little boy who wants to meet his big brother. Naruto, come here and meet this little man.”

The normally hyper bundle of energy was unusually subdued as he took the tiny bundle in his arms but his face lit up as a tiny fist grasped onto his finger as his eyes opened to reveal the same rich brown as Iruka’s.

“Hi there little one. I’m your aniki. Shall we go and meet your mama huh?”

As Naruto walked off to wait for Iruka to wake up in order to meet his baby, he never saw the look of total devastation cross Kakashi’s face as his student walked away with his son.

~*~

Naruto bounced home from the mission room, eager to see Iruka and his little brother. Kaito was six months old now and there was no denying his parentage; he had Iruka’s eyes, bone structure and slightly smaller build whilst he had Kakashi’s hair and colouring. The only problem that Naruto had was that Kakashi was refusing to have a relationship with his son and the man who had carried him for nine months. He reached the door of the apartment that Iruka still lived in. He had been gone for four months on an extended mission with Jiraiya and he was eager to see how his family was doing but at the same time he knew that there was a distinct possibility that Kaito was asleep. Moving slowly and as quietly as he could, he twisted the key in the lock to see something that made him frown. Iruka was laid out on the couch, fast asleep with the shadows under his eyes a testament to his exhaustion. On the other side of the room, a wide-awake Kaito bounced slightly in his playpen, babbling happily as he caught sight of Naruto. The blond grinned and scooped the baby up into his arms, dancing around the room and into the kitchen as Kaito’s stomach grumbled.

“Hello Kaito, you’ve been growing fast while your aniki’s been away. You’re still as cute as when you were born though. It’s a good job that your aniki’s here to feed you seeing as your mama’s fast asleep.”

As he’d been speaking Naruto had been heating a bottle of milk and just as he slipped the teat into Kaito’s mouth he heard movement behind him.

“I wish you’d stop referring to me as mama Naruto otherwise Kaito will start calling me mama. It’s good to see you Naruto; Konoha’s too quiet without you.” The chuunin laughed as he spoke, pulling his former student into as tight a hug as possible considering that Naruto was feeding his son.

“Come on Naruto, feed Kaito and I’ll make you something to eat; do you want some ramen?”

He smiled as he watched the two boys on the sofa; one his birth son and the other he considered to be his son. All he wanted now was for Kakashi to stop being an idiot.

~*~

Naruto had been back in Konoha for six weeks and things weren’t getting any better between Iruka and Kakashi and Naruto was determined to change things. He was happy to see that Iruka was looking less exhausted now that Naruto was back to help with Kaito and he was slowly starting to put back on the weight that he had lost. Today, Naruto had persuaded Iruka to hand Kaito over to Hinata to babysit for a few hours and then Iruka had been packed off to the hot springs with Izumo and Kotetsu for a few hours relaxation. Now Naruto was off to have a word with a certain elite jounin. Iruka didn’t deserve this.

He found the jounin sparring with Gai but he had no qualms about interrupting them. Naruto flung himself towards his former jounin sensei, narrowly avoiding punching him in the face.

“You bastard! What the hell do you think you’re doing to Iruka? It may have escaped your notice but he gave birth to your son six months ago. You could have a family but no, what have you done? You’ve just ignored them. Have you even seen Kaito?”

“Kaito?” Kakashi perked up slightly, not noticing as Gai slipped away quietly. “He’s called Kaito?”

Naruto nodded, softening slightly. “Yes, he’s called Kaito. There’s no denying who his parents are; he’s the perfect combination of the two of you. Would it really be so bad to have a relationship with Iruka?”

“No.”

It was time for Naruto’s jaw to drop. “Kakashi-sensei? Do you want to have a relationship with Iruka and Kaito? Why did you never say anything?” Naruto saw Iruka and Kaito approaching out of the corner of his eye.

“Naruto, how many people have I killed over the years? I may want a relationship with Iruka but that doesn’t mean that I’m capable of maintaining one. How could my son love me knowing what I’ve done?”

He started as a warm bundle was dumped in his arms. He looked down as a tiny hand fisted itself in his vest and met the same rich brown eyes as the man he’d fallen for. His head snapped up as Iruka spoke softly.

“Your son will love you because you’re his father. As for me; well all shinobi are a little crazy.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you would prefer to comment on LJ, you can do so [here](http://vix-spes.livejournal.com/42290.html)


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